whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize