I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
