Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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