new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
