I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
