we have pet lesbian snakes
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
