saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize