She's JV to your varsity
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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