We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
