So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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