I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
