She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
