Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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