I hate your face
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I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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