talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
pop tarts are not kleenex
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
