I just gift wrapped bread.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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