Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
