the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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