there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
