i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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