5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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