whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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