I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
