i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Send help, water and tortillas.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
