I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
