I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She has the best kind of daddy issues
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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