this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
