In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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