I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
