The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
