I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
