how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
3pm strippers are depressing
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Randomize
