I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sext me about skeletons
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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