Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize