Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
