Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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