I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize