margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
