omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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