You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
