saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
