Moan for me like Helen Keller
Welp...herpes.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
