I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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