Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
