Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize