Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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