My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
