and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
