I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
