cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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