Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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