So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize