Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
