No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
