I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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