I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My vagina just recognized that song.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
