Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
