I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
