mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
