I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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