but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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