quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
