I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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