All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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