You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize