I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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