So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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