why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Randomize
