so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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