He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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