this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
