just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
