Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
