his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
