he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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