I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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