thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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