listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
