careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I still have a little drunk in my system
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
