We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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