Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
