Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
