The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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