This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
where are you?
Hypothermia
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
