3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
