I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
