i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So much rum. So many feels.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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