Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think my vagina is haunted
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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