that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
