my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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