i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
