the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
