now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
