I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
