I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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