Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
