Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
