So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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