I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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