I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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